LIFE OF A HEROIN ADDICT [entries|friends|calendar] Tanya Valeria Unger [ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ] [ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

fuck me i love against me! more than you [10 Feb 2005|04:40pm] [ mood | fuck me i cant explaine ] [ music | against me! against me! against me! ] my other journal keeps fucking up it says it is in read only mode so i cant log in or post or do anything wtf am i supposed to do with that? so much more to rant about but fuck i have a boyfriend what is that about? also i am in a bitchin bad moos and i dont want to go to this show dont ask why i just dont idk what to do now.. hit me hard

THE DEATH OF A JOURNAL? [25 Dec 2004|08:50pm] [ mood | accomplished ] [ music | HIM-Right Here in My Arms ] new live journal i might still post some on this one but probably not guess we will find out see you at the cool journal hit me hard

THEY LOOK SO GOD DAMN THE SAME... [25 Dec 2004|09:31am] [ mood | tired ] [ music | Depeche Mode-Enjoy the Silence ] so i am not going to go to my uncles house because my sister is sick so i am not sure what i am doing today maybe i can find someone that can hang out with me that would be bitchin i shouldent have gone to sleep so late cause it sucked waking up so early if anyone gets up and reads this and then wants to hang out today maybe call me or something cause i dont want to have to sit here all day Words like violence Break the silence Come crashing in Into my little world Painful to me Pierce right through me Can’t you understand Oh my little girl All I ever wanted All I ever needed Is here in my arms Words are very unnecessary They can only do harm Vows are spoken To be broken Feelings are intense Words are trivial Pleasures remain So does the pain Words are meaningless And forgettable All I ever wanted All I ever needed Is here in my arms Words are very unnecessary They can only do harm Enjoy the silence hit me hard

TODAY IS THE FIRST DAY OF THE REST OF YOUR LIFE, JUST LIKE EVERY DAY... [25 Dec 2004|01:26am] [ mood | cold as fuck ] [ music | Derricks song-The System-made my mario paint-so cool ] HAPPY CHRISTMAS i will see you all after the holiday i will probably talk to you before then it doesn't feel like christmas i really just want to get it over with for some reason i am going to my uncles tomorrow i am going to play guitar really loud and maybe learn some new songs i will have to print tabs exciting night hit me hard

FINDING NEW FRIENDS AND LEARNING OF NEW AWESOME MUSICS...BEING HAPPY... [24 Dec 2004|10:33pm] [ mood | really really happy ] [ music | Under Oath-When The Sun Sleeps ] i did what i had to do i am home finally not that i want to be being home is gay i would much rather be out at someone else's house doing other things than sitting here tomorrow is christmas and i am going to my uncles house then i am coming back same night sunday i will probably be back out seeing where i end up yesterday i saw laura again we baked cookies and i was happy to be with her cause i remembered all the good times we had together before we drifted apart and i hope we hang out more again cause i missed her more then i let on andy and i went to mike and tylers rebekah(?) layla(?) and vinny were also there (spelling may be wrong) we went to the movies to see laura and some other people sometimes i stumble on what i really want to say... merry christmas <3 thought you'd come back at least i prayed (so i prayed) the romance has been dead (the romance is dead, the romance is dead) for years (you come back) but i've been too afraid to dig the grave (so i prayed) relief support never came memories carry me through the day of when we were kids and angels came to watch us play close my eyes, just for tonight the sun still sleeps, and when she wakes close my eyes, just for tonight the sun still sleeps, and when she wakes a movie that plays in my mind remembring you helps me survive every day a re-run of the next i promised to stay by your side that all would change, i can't complain another victim of the game close my eyes, just for tonight the sun still sleeps, and when she wakes close my eyes, just for tonight the sun still sleeps, and when she wakes maybe love will FIND us again for there is always tomorrow sincerely till the end close my eyes just for tonight the sun still sleeps and when she wakes, close my eyes just for tonight the sun still sleeps and when she wakes close my eyes, just for tonight the sun still sleeps, and when she wakes close my eyes, just for tonight the sun still sleeps, and when she wakes you'll be a memory (be a memory) you'll be a memory (be a memory) you'll be a memory (be a memory) you'll be a memory, memory, memory, memory. hit me hard

JUST LIKE AM AMOEBA [22 Dec 2004|09:27pm] [ mood | nautural high ] [ music | group x-mario twins ] so im not going to tell you how much fun i have been having you will only know if you were there i almost kissed kathleen today i saw her and i just dont know i leaned in and realized why am i going to kiss her it was funny it wasnt cause i wanted to kiss her not that she isnt awesome i was just so excited so xmas is soon my mom called my brother got in a car crash i dont know how he is no one knows i am trying not to think about it and still have fun i hope he is ok though... now i am off to have more fun that i may or may not tell you about i still really like you... 7 hits| hit me hard

KILL THE LITTLE MAN IN THE CLOUD AND TAKE ALL HE HAD... [22 Dec 2004|05:26pm] [ mood | sing my song with me ] [ music | ohio is for lovers ] i have been having fun but no one wants to comment on my journal suck faces i am not going to tell you how much fun i have been having i will tell you later for now super mario world and quick sex with kathleen post something or break my heart i really like this guy like i said before 5 hits| hit me hard

VINNIE HAS THE VAGINA [21 Dec 2004|11:53am] [ mood | i did what i wanted ] [ music | the sounds of kyle tyler and vinnie ] so you know in horror movies how there is always a door and there is always a scary noise beyond that door but the person in the movie alway has to go to the door and open it and you know that they shouldent go to that door cause there may be certain peril beyond but they keep going and either they open the door and something terrible happens or they open it and something great happens or before they even have the chance to prepare themselves to open the door it flings open... thats the way i had been feeling and for me the door creeped open then i jerked it open beyond i found a few things i made someone sad but i made myself happy i feel bad about it but i feel releived about it all its all for the best really i really have needed to get away but i put it off cause i felt bad but i really just needed to do what i needed to do i havent been home for the past couple days but its still great i hate sitting at home i took a shower yesterday and i am again wearing someone elses clothing i really need some chapstick a tooth brush would help as well i used kyles unisex deodorant now i am sitting here with kyle tyler and vinnie so i really like this guy... hit me hard

CRAB WALKING [20 Dec 2004|12:14am] [ mood | had a sweet day ] [ music | as i lay dying-forever ] boy kissing is a fad went to a show at a church it was great i went in the pit i went with colton i saw kyle kathleen and andy and some other people walked from there to newport sounds took a while sweet day joey might be mad but it was worth it? colton wants online bitch this kid has sweeter underwear then me how cool 1 hit| hit me hard

MATT AND I DIDNT GIVE UP SO QUICKLY... [18 Dec 2004|11:38am] [ mood | tired of sitting and waiting ] [ music | AFI-The Days Of The Phoenix ] THE COMMUNITY OF BOYS KISSING....who knew? ryann is gone now thursday i spent the night at kathleens we sat around in kevins car talking about random things cause fat joe dont sleep and joey just wants to play basketball matt and joey picked me up in the morning we went to daytona surprise the mall was filled with strange people so we left for best buy pets mart, sports authority taco bell, the flea market bucks gun shop and this magic shop we left with a movie for matts sister dog treats for joeys dogs and a few pairs of dice we got derrick ended up at subway they were out of meatball then we went back to derricks to play dice previously in the day joey won in a high roller game we all put in five f-in dollars but now we were playing for quarters and i ended up with 6 dollars so i guess i am up $1 now i am home i got a hair cut this morning now i am waiting for my dad to get home so we can put up the xmas tree then i am going to joeys and probably will see matt and derrick later also i go into ATC and my grandmother and my parents are going to buy me a car sweet I remember when I was told a story of crushed velvet, candle wax, and dried up flowers. The figure on the bed, all dressed up in roses, calling... beckoning to sleep...offering a dream. The words were as mystical as purring animals The circle of rage...the ghosts on the stage appeared. The time was so tangible I'll never let it go. Ghost stories handed down, reached secret tunnels below. No one could see me. I fell into yesterday. Our dreams seemed not far away. I want to, I want to, I want to stay I fell into fantasy. The words were as mystical as purring animals. The circle of rage...the ghosts on the stage appeared. The time was so tangible, I'll never let it go. Ghost stories handed down, reached secret tunnels below No one could see me. I fell into yesterday. Our dreams seemed not far away. I want to, I want to, I want to stay. I fell into fantasy. The girl on the wall always waited for me, and she was always smiling. The teenage death boys, the teenage death girls... and everyone was dancing. Nothing could touch us then, no one could change us then, and everyone was dancing. Nothing could hurt us then, no one could see us then, and everyone was dancing. Everyone was dancing. No one could see me. I fell into yesterday. Our dreams seemed not far away. I want to, I want to, I want to stay I fell into fantasy. Our dreams seemed not far away. Our dreams seemed not far away. Our dreams seemed not far away. I fell into fantasy. 4 hits| hit me hard

THEY ARE BOYS AND THEY ARE KISSING [16 Dec 2004|01:12pm] [ mood | excited about boys kissing ] [ music | Patti Smith-Redondo Beach ] Check out my pictures <3 click on the link above to see some pictures i have to add more but for now that is all you get. i have found the art of boys kissing and i love it i am waiting for ryann to come get me i feel as if maybe she didnt want to come get me but i really dont want to sit here all day colton and i are are going to see the antics maybe i hope we do and if we do we may steal kyle and bring him along <3 Late afternoon, dreaming hotel We just had the quarrel that sent you away. I was looking for you, are you gone gone ? Called you on the phone, another dimension. Well, you never returned, oh you know what I mean. I went looking for you, are you gone, gone ? Down by the ocean it was so dismal, Women all standing with a shock on their faces. Sad description, oh I was looking for you. Everyone was singing, girl is washed up On redondo beach and everyone is so sad. I was looking for you, are you gone gone ? Pretty little girl, everyone cried. She was the victim of sweet suicide. I went looking for you, are you gone gone ? Down by the ocean it was so dismal, Women all standing with shock on their faces. Sad description, oh I was looking for you. Desk clerk told me girl was washed up, Was small, an angel with apple blonde hair, now. I went looking for you, are you gone gone ? Picked up my key, didn’t reply. Went to my room, started to cry. You were small, an angel, are you gone gone ? Down by the ocean it was so dismal. I was just standing with shock on my face. The hearse pulled away, and the girl that had died, it was you. You’ll never return into my arms ’cause you were gone gone. Never return into my arms ’cause you were gone gone. Gone gone, gone gone, good-bye. 5 hits| hit me hard

TANYA MARIE VALERIA VALERY?? I LIKE THE ENDING REALLY... [15 Dec 2004|11:13pm] [ mood | bitch what i have 2 points ] [ music | halo 2 halo 2 halo 2 ] i am happy right now i have two kyle points so far i am in the lead maybe i can stay in the lead? so really no one can win at mario party i had 3 count them 3 stars then wario f-ed me in the a and gave all my stars to kevin he didnt deserve them but thats ok cause he ended up losing most of them i went home then i ended up sneaking out to come sit here at kathleens i am on some kids iBook watching 4 other people play halo 2 and i dont think they are going to let me play damn them but i did get marshmallows and ice cream apparently they are "coming from the lift" i want to play halo 2 but really i dont think they will let me nor am i good enough probably im not sure though i am not really paying attention to how good they are 2 hits| hit me hard

THEN I TOLD THE FERRET "THIS IS MIGHTY FINE KOOL AID, THINGS ARE LOOKING UP" [14 Dec 2004|08:43pm] [ mood | amused ] [ music | Peter and the Test Tube Babies-Banned From The Pubs ] DO THIS!! AND I WANT STRAIT ANSWERS... WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF: » I committed suicide: » I said I liked you: » I kissed you: » I lived next door to you: » I started smoking: » I stole something: » I was hospitalized: » I ran away from home: » I got into a fight and you weren't there: WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT MY: » Personality: » Eyes: » Face: » Hair: » Clothes: » Mannerisms: » Family: [1] Who are you? [2] Are we friends? [3] When and how did we meet? [4] How have I affected you? [5] What do you think of me? [6] What's the fondest memory you have of me? [7] How long do you think we will be friends or enemies? [8] Do you love me? [9] Have I ever hurt you? [10] Would you hug me? [11] Would you kiss me? [12] Would you adore me? [13] Are we close? [14] Emotionally, what stands out? [15] Do you wish I was cooler? [16] On a scale of 1-10, how nice am I? [17] Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it. [18] Am I loveable? [19] How long have you known me? [20] Describe me in one word. [21] What was your first impression? [22] Do you still think that way about me now? [23] What do you think my weakness is? [24] Do you think I'll get married? [25] What about me makes you happy? [26] What about me makes you sad? [27] What reminds you of me? [28] What's something you would change about me? [29] How well do you know me? [30] Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't? [31] Do you think I would kill someone? [32] Are you going to put this on your journal and see what I say about you? 6 hits| hit me hard

AND THE FERRET SAID "NO ONE CARES ANYMORE BUT WOULD YOU LIKE SOME KOOL AID?" SO I SAID"GRAPE PLEASE" [14 Dec 2004|04:04pm] [ mood | so happy to be alone ] [ music | Dead Milkmen-detachable penis ] i am feeling.... bad? it feels like no one wants to hang out with me it seems like my friends i used to see everyday have found better things to do and they don't want me to come along maybe if a had a car they would want to hang out again? maybe if i wasn't a girl maybe if was cooler maybe? but then again maybe not maybe i am just not cool/interesting like i suspected all along i fooled myself for a while into thinking maybe i am alright and that just maybe people do enjoy my company but i was mistaken so i guess i will sit by myself for the remainder of the day i will go to gymnastics maybe zale will give me a ride home and i will at least get to talk to someone thats right i am that bored/sad i am looking forward to talking to zale but its not like anyone else wants to hang out its not like my friends who i still consider my friends wanted to take time to see me i really need my car then maybe i can force myself on them and once again be included by force. maybe i am over exaggerating i probably am i am just so tired of sitting by myself i want to hang out with the same people i did. i hate this change and thats just how i feel at this moment. mostly because i am left out. I woke up this morning with a bad hangover, and my penis was missing again. This happens all the time. It's detachable. This comes in handy a lot of the time. I can leave it home when I think it's going to get me in trouble, or I can rent it out when I don't need it. But now and then I go to a party, get drunk, and the next morning I can't for the life of me remember what I did with it. First I looked around my apartment and I couldn't find it, so I called up the place where the party was, they hadn't seen it either. I asked them to check the medicine cabinet coz for some reason, I leave it there sometimes, but not this time. So I told them if it pops up to let me know. I called a few people who were at the party, but they were no help either. I was starting to get desperate. I really don't like being without my penis for too long. It makes me feel like less of a man and I really hate to have to sit down every time I take a leak. After a few hours of searching the house and calling everyone I could think of, I was starting to get very depressed, so I went to the Kiev and ate breakfast. Then as I walked down Second Avenue toward St. Mark's Place,where all those people sell used books and other junk on the street, I saw my penis lying on a blanket next to a broken toaster oven. Some guy was selling it. I had to buy it off him. He wanted 22 bucks, but I talked him down to 17. I took it home, washed it off, and put it back on. I was happy again. Complete. People sometimes tell me I should get it permanently attached, but I don't know. Even though sometimes it's a pain in the ass, I like having a detachable penis 4 hits| hit me hard

AND SO I WAS TOLD TO WALK TO THE WEST WHERE I WOULD BE MET MY A FARRET... [14 Dec 2004|10:32am] [ mood | my life ] [ music | horse the band-bunnies ] What will be the first letter of the person you marry? Created by mineofGod and taken 12491 times on bzoink! Name Date of Birth Gender Male Female Hermaphrodite Favorite Color First letter of the person you will marry K Create a Quizlet | Search Quizlets | Go to bzoink! i am so bored 8 hits| hit me hard

LETS MAKE IT DOWN THE CORRIDOR ONE STEP AT A TIME SHALL WE? [13 Dec 2004|11:31pm] [ mood | i need more action in my life ] [ music | Bright Eyes-Bowl Of Oranges ] Really Long Survey (over 200) Created by starsbleed2nite and taken 53609 times on bzoink! What is your name? Tanya Valeria Unger Are you named after anyone? yeah my middle name is my grandmas What's your screename? tanyavaleriaunger@mac.com yes it is an sn and an e-mail i am just that cool Would you name a child of yours after you? id name a girl valeria but really i wont have childern i figure i should do my part to end human suffering- unless you count conya... If you were born a member of the opposite sex what would your name be? kyderroltonerosh If you could switch names with a friend who would it be? derrick just look at how he spells that what crazy kid Are there any mispronounciations/typos that ppl do w/ your name constantly? tonya is not how you spell my name Would you drop your last name if you became famous? no infact i would make everyone call me by my full name tanya valeria unger or maybe i would just become valeria Basics Your gender: female Straight/Gay/Bi: strait Single? no If not, do you want to be? sometimes but not really its just an illusion Birthdate: July 25th 1987 Your age: 17 and a half Age you act: i dont even know Age you wish you were: my age Your height: something like 5'5 Eye color: blue Happy with it? very Hair color: blonde Happy with it? very Lefty/righty/ambidextrous: right handed although it is amusing to make my left hand struggle to do what my right hand does so well Your living arrangement: blah Your family: insane in the brain Have any pets? many Whats your job? corner whore...i mean... Piercings? my ears sorry i am not that cool ha Tattoos? again no Obsessions? i have many Addictions? heroin Do you speak another language? i wish Have a favorite quote? many Do you have a webpage? i want to make one, i have a fav. web page... http://fortyeight.net/colecovision/ Deep Thoughts About Life and You in it Do you live in the moment? i am always a step behind but i try Do you consider yourself tolerant of others? very Do you have any secrets? many Do you hate yourself? sometimes Do you like your handwriting? i wish it was more interesting Do you have any bad habits? maybe.. What is the compliment you get from most people? *shrug* If a movie was made about your life, what would it be called? LIFE OF A WANNA BE HEROIN ADDICT or A STEP BEHIND What's your biggest fear? losing it all Can you sing? like a dog trippin on robotussin Do you ever pretend to be someone else just to look cool? do i? Are you a loner? nah What are your #1 priorities in life? life If you were another person, would you be friends with you? no i suck Are you a daredevil? i wish i was Is there anything you fear or hate about yourself? i have covered all my mirrors with black drapes out of fear and self loathing... not really Are you passive or agressive? neither Do you have a journal? yes What is your greatest strength and weakness? being me If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? id be a guy...id get more respect and id be cool cause id have a penis AND peeing would be way easier Do you think you are emotionally strong? sometimes except when i fall apart... Is there anything you regret doing/not doing in life? yes alot but i havent lived my whole life yet so there is still time Do you think life has been good so far? sometimes What is the most important lesson you've learned from life? fuck drama What do you like the most about your body? my hair And least? alot Do you think you are good looking? semi Are you confident? i try to be What is the fictional character you are most like? i really couldent say...i wish i was like hercule poirot he was such a cool detective... Are you perceived wrongly? i think i am alot of the time Do You... Smoke? nope Do drugs? nope Read the newspaper? sometimes Pray? only when i am at my brothers Go to church? no never Talk to strangers who IM you? all the time its how i met my friend eric Sleep with stuffed animals? if i do they end up on the floor Take walks in the rain? i would like to more often- i did run through the rain the other day i had a rican hand cuffed to me...i had forgot to turn the car lights off..... Talk to people even though you hate them? all the time Drive? indeed Like to drive fast? yes but not with joey in the car Would or Have You Ever? Liked your voice? i hate it when i hear it recorded how can you people stand me? Hurt yourself? no Been out of the country? alot Eaten something that made other people sick? yep one time i ate chocolate covered spagetti... Been in love? i think i have...maybe i am.... Done drugs? yeah i lose Gone skinny dipping? yes indeed at the beach at night and in lauras pool at night Had a medical emergency? nope Had surgery? nope Ran away from home? ha yeah Played strip poker? yes... so? Gotten beaten up? well kinda... id rather not talk about it though... Beaten someone up? nope iv never been in a fight Been picked on? all the time Been on stage? yes indeed Slept outdoors? a few times its pleasant Thought about suicide? no im not a weak person Pulled an all nighter? i have stayed up all night If yes, what is your record? over 24 hours idk i dont keep track Gone one day without food? maybe? prolly not Talked on the phone all night? no Slept together with the opposite sex w/o actually having sex? yes-i like sleeping with people (with out sex) i feel safer Slept all day? maybe but i dont like to waste the day Killed someone? iv thought about how it would feel... Made out with a stranger? well you see wade promised me $20 and.... Had sex with a stranger? ewww no! Thought you're going crazy? im already there Kissed the same sex? yeah Done anything sexual with the same sex? no Been betrayed? maybe Had a dream that came true? not that i recall Broken the law? yes Met a famous person? kinda Have you ever killed an animal by accident? well.... On purpose? no! Told a secret you swore you wouldn't tell? i try my best to keep my secrets Stolen anything? yes Been on radio/tv? no Been in a mosh-pit? iv been on the outside Had a nervous breakdown? .... Bungee jumped? ah no Had a dream that kept coming back? yeah Beliefs Belive in life on other planets? i do Miracles? maybe Astrology? how do you not? Magic? id like for there to be magic i would like there to be a hogwarts.... God? no Satan? no Santa? no Ghosts? yeah Luck? ya Love at first sight? no Yin and yang (that good cant exist w/o bad)? sometimes Witches? i want to infact i wish i was one Easter bunny? no Believe its possible to remain faithful forever? no Believe theres a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow? i wish Do you wish on stars? all the time Deep Theological Questions Do you believe in the traditional view of Heaven and Hell? no Do you think God has a gender? no Do you believe in organized religion? no Where do you think we go when we die? the ground.- sometimes i think maube we stay somehow its hard to explain... Friends Do you have any gay/lesbian friends? does the TBS2000 count? Who is your best friend? i like to think i have a few best freinds Who's the one person that knows most about you? probably joey What's the best advice that anyone has ever given to you? to be myself Your favourite inside joke? i have many Thing you're picked on most about? ask wade Who's your longest known friend? out of the people i am currently hanging out with matt Newest? i dont know Shyest? we arent shy Funniest? dean, josh, derrick Sweetest? joey Closest? im not sure really...conor and i used to be real close Weirdest? we are all weird kids Smartest? im not sure Ditziest? well of the top of my head stephanie tolhurts...but i dont hang out with her anymore Friends you miss being close to the most? i wish conor and i were still so close and that all the friends i have were all closer Last person you talked to online? derrick, kyle, colton, andy Who do you talk to most online? derrick colton and andy Who are you on the phone with most? joey Who do you trust most? joey, derrick Who listens to your problems? lost of people Who do you fight most with? i dont fight Who's the nicest? joey, derrick, josh, matt, kathleen Who's the most outgoing? i know alot of out going people Who's the best singer? derrick? Who's on your shit-list? wade Have you ever thought of having sex with a friend? haha Who's your second family? joeys family- my closer freinds Do you always feel understood? hardly ever Who's the loudest friend? dean probably Do you trust others easily? yeah Who's house were you last at? joeys but the last place i spen the night was at joshs Name one person who's arms you feel safe in: joeys Do your friends know you? somewhat Friend that lives farthest away: matt or maybe kyle is farther.. Love and All That Do you consider love a mistake? never What do you find romantic? romance? Turn-on? hot guys ha Turn-off? ass holes First kiss? derek how sad... If someone u had no interest in had interest in dating u how would u feel? awkward but faltered Do you prefer knowing someone before dating them or going i like to know who i am dating Have u ever wished it was more socially acceptable 4 a girl 2 ask a guy out not really Have you ever been romantically attracted to someone physically unattractiv yeah Do you think the opposite sex finds you good looking? somewhat What is best about the opposite sex? why better than girls, girls are gay What is the worst thing about the opposite sex? they make me envious sometimes it is way to easy for them to go pee its not fair... What's the last present someone gave you? my crazy earings- from ryann Are you in love? i think so Do you consider your significant other hot? i think my bf is pretty hot.... Who Was the Last Person... That haunted you? i dont remember You wanted to kill? there have been a few people i would like to shoot That you laughed at? joey That laughed at you? joey That turned you on? ...haha... You went shopping with? ryann kathleen kevin and andy That broke your heart? i break my own heart time after time To disappoint you? its hard to dissapoint me... To ask you out? joey To make you cry? myself or my parents..? To brighten up your day? my friends in general brighten my day That you thought about? colton and i were discussing stealing kyle... You saw a movie with? josh You talked to on the phone? sarah You talked to through IM/ICQ? colton,ryann,derrick You saw? joey You lost? have i lost you? Right This Moment... Are you going out? i am doing this Will it be with your significant other? next time i go out i am not sure Or some random person? ^ idk What are you wearing right now? sponge bob pajama pants and a GKB (gymnast kick but) shirt how cool am i Body part you're touching right now: my face What are you worried about right now? lots of stuff mainly what tomorrow will bring What book are you reading? im not i want to start the harry potter books again What's on your mousepad? i dont have one Use 5 words to describe how you're feeling: tired, alone, in need, loving, but always optimistic Are you bored? yes Are you tired? yes Are you talking to anyone online? i was Are you talking to anyone on the phone? no Are you lonely or content? lonely yet content Are you listening to music? yes as always Create a Survey | Search Surveys | Go to bzoink! i have been sitting all day tomorrow i dont really have anything to do colton and i are going to steal kyle and go see the antics waiting for the weekend call me someone do something with me boredom sucks 8484814 The rain, it started tapping on the window near my bed. There was a loophole in my dreaming, so I got out of it. And to my surprise my eyes were wide and already open. Just my nightstand and my dresser where those nightmares had just been. So I dressed myself and left then, out into the gray streets. But everything seemed different and completely new to me. The sky, the trees, houses, buildings, even my own body. And each person I encountered, I couldn't wait to meet. I came up a doctor who appeared in quite poor health. I said "(I am terribly sorry but) there is nothing I can do for you (that) you can't do for yourself." He said "Oh yes you can. Just hold my hand. I think that would help." So I sat with him a while and then I asked him how he felt. He said, "I think I'm cured. No, in fact, I'm sure of it. Thank you Stranger, for your therapeutic smile." So that is how I learned the lesson that everyone is alone. And your eyes must do some raining if you are ever going to grow. But when crying don't help and you can't compose yourself. It is best to compose a poem, an honest longing or simple song of hope. That is why I'm singing... Baby don't worry cause now I got your back. And every time you feel like crying, I'm gonna try and make you laugh. And if I can't, if it just hurts too bad, then we will wait for it to pass and I will keep you company through those days so long and black. And we'll just keep working on the problem we know we'll never solve of Love's uneven remainder. But if the world could remain in a frame like a painting on a wall. Then I think we would see the beauty. Then we would stand staring in awe at our still lives posed like a bowl of oranges, like a story told by the fault lines and the hit me hard

I MESS UP ALOT WHEN I GO SEARCHING FOR WHAT I ALREADY HAVE... [13 Dec 2004|08:52am] [ mood | love my friends ] [ music | Cindy Lauper-Girls Just Want To Have Fun ] a confusing weekend to some started with joeys house then derrick matt and dean grape cigars derrick looking bitchin in the wendys parking lot ryann + conor -ryann josh calling telling josh that... ha josh eating wonder bread alone? and us with no plans matt conor and joey halo 2 ryann takes me away spend then night at ryanns wake up and go to joeys house + conor -conor sitting with joey playing guitar watching tv ryann picks me up thinking i am going to maritzas i am mistaken find myself at cankles house confusion josh calling josh wade conor and booka(?) coming to steal clocks and toothbrushes and random shoes and more they leave i leave joshes house -ryann watch bike video eat cookies and cookie dough random wade conor and booka(?) leave josh and i begin watching 28 days later power goes out for a while we talk we sleep crazy we wake up next day watch the rest of 28 days later josh has to go to work kathleen picks me up go to ryanns walk to kathleens pizza and tomatoes matt comes to get me we take harry potter with us we get to his house have to go get joey begin watching HP3 go home blah finish watching HP3 i eat tofu chili i love it conclusion i had fun i love weird weekends and really you dont know the extent of how great things were unless you were there waiting for friday so the break can begin and what about today? I come home in the morning light My mother says when you gonna live your life right Oh mother dear we're not the fortunate ones And girls they want to have fun Oh girls just want to have fun The phone rings in the middle of the night My father yells what you gonna do with your life Oh daddy dear you know you're still number one But girls they want to have fun Oh girls just want to have-- That's all they really want Some fun When the working day is done Girls-- they want to have fun Oh girls just want to have fun Some boys take a beautiful girl And hide her away from the rest of the world I want to be the one to walk in the sun Oh girls they want to have fun Oh girls just want to have That's all they really want Some fun When the working day is done Girls--they want to have fun Oh girls just want to have fun, They want to have fun, They want to have fun... 3 hits| hit me hard

FOLLOW ME AS I BITCH SLAP THIS BABOON! [09 Dec 2004|10:15pm] [ mood | had a good day ] [ music | Pantera-Walk (in memory) ] went to atc dropped off my application i hope i am cool enough went to school and passed English 3 went to ryanns sat at her computer talking and listening to music went to kyles it was awesome i took him his guitar strings and we played guitar and he played funky bass i looked at his random drawings and i love all of them we listened to dane cook and mc chris and my of mice and men cd then he handcuffed me and painted my nails black it was great kyle is really one of my favorite friend cause he dosent bore me ever then ryann picked me back up i bought subs and we watched the OC tomorrow i finish school then i am going to hang out with joey then i am going to hang out with josh and RGC. later 7 hits| hit me hard

NAZI COLOMBIA AND CAT STEVENS [09 Dec 2004|08:02am] [ mood | distressed ] [ music | From Autumn to Ashes-Autumns Monologue ] about to go apply to atc i am so tired i got no sleep just arguing you cause tears but maybe i only caused them myself who am i to say i want more who am i to push others aside who am i to say i love you maybe part of me is selfish but maybe part of you is selfish too maybe we could come to terms but maybe you will never understand i guess we can only find our true colors in the end ill write about my day later good day. Oh why cant I be what you need a new improved version of me but i'm nothing so good no i'm nothing just bones, a lonely ghost burning down songs of violence of love and of sorrow i beg for just one more tomorrow where you hold me down fold me in deep deep deep in the heart of your sins I break in two over you I break in two And each piece of me dies And only you can give the breath of life But you dont see me, you dont... here i'm in between darkness and light bleached and blinded by these nights where im tossing and tortured til dawn by you, visions of you then youre gone the shock lifts the red from my face when i hear someone's taking my place how could love be so thoughtless, so cruel when all, all that i did was for you i break in two over you i break in two and each piece of me dies and only you can give the breath of life but you dont see me you dont.. i break in two over you i break in two and each piece of me dies and only you can give the breath of life but you dont see me you don't... i break in two over you i break in two over you, over you i break in two i would break in two for you now you see me now you don't now you need me now you don't hit me hard

THERE IS A LIGHT AT THE END BUT IT IS TO FAR AWAY TO KNOW WHAT LIES BEYOND.... [08 Dec 2004|08:53am] [ mood | igothuggedbythehottestguy! ] [ music | Him-Right here in my arms ] Adopt-a-Spot at RandomBanana.com! so i went to the mall so i didnt go to gymnastics so what? sat at ryanns with kevin and kathleen then came josh and random kid chris hung myself out of a moving vehicle went to dustins but not for food spent the night at ryanns i am not allergic to goose feathers i am going insane i got a hug from the hottest guy in the world ahhhhhhh you have no idea you will never have an idea i am not going to school so deal with it i dont have anything to do anyway i went to the highschool this morning to pick up my recommendation walked around with zach and tj for a bit we were gonna tape me and tj fake making out for the news so that maritza and joey would go into a jealouse rage it would have been great but tj decided it wasnt worth the pain that would rain down on him from the wrath of m and j i wouldent have got the wrath cause i would have been long gone by then hahahahaha oh by the way i got a hug from the hottest guy ever and he steped on my foot at the same time this has been a long entry and you probably dont care about anything i am saying so i leave you to watch the bearnstein bears or w.e with kevin cause ryann went to school soon maybe we can walk over to kathleens after school we are going back to the mall so later 2 hits| hit me hard

navigation [ viewing | most recent entries ] [ go | earlier ]